Do you guys realize how amazing it is to write sometimes. I am going to share a few pointers that God has been teaching me over the past few days.What is disappointment? Google it and you get 'to make someone unhappy by not being as good as expected or by not doing something that was hoped for or expected' (Merriam-Webster)
I can tell you that I have been disappointed with:
3. Failed Plans
I can tell you that disappointment is like a disease, a bad disease that starts off as a seed and when nourished with attention, self pity, reflection can grow into a mighty ugly oak tree. It can unravel words of hate, acts of betrayal and even long buried memories.
My past came to haunt me, note this, a past I had not thought existed because I faced the disappointment of not getting a job I wanted. It started off as having all my prayers answered. In fact, everything was going well for me. I had the right education, experience, connections but just this was amiss. I prayed, I know I did but the disappointment of not having my way stole my joy: FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
I let the disappointment fester into sadness, then frustration, then anger. I had gotten to a point that long buried issues weighed my heart down. The bible says ' Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it comes the issues of life' (Proverbs 4:23). I was not guarding my heart and I gave way to the devil to infiltrate my mind and dictate the outcome of my trial. For once, I had forgotten myself because I was not renewing my mind. (Romans 12:2) says 'And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...'.
I came to the realization that something was wrong one day after prayer and God revealed it to me by His Holy Spirit.
I was again disappointed in myself for letting this happen. He told me that there is nothing I can do about the disappointment that I only had to trust and rely on Him. Then I realized that my joy, happiness and sense of fulfillment was only conditional based on the answer to prayers I was getting initially.
I questioned my self, my heart was laid bare before God. Was I only in love with my maker conditionally? Was it a relationship based on what I could get from Him? I had given up on my dreams, my aspirations, my passion, myself. I was ashamed. At this point I realized I can do nothing but 'I can do all through Christ who strengthens me' (Philippians 4:13)
I waited on God because He promised that 'those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint'. I trusted God for strength, I trusted God to heal my heart, I trusted God for guidance, I leaned on His infinite wisdom and He showed me the way.
'He brings light to darkness and makes the crooked path straight' (Isaiah 42:16). He healed my broken heart and brought to light the dark crevasse of my past and the hurt I had long buried. He restored my smile and brought my passion back to life.
He was not disappointed in me that I was disappointed in myself but only loved me the more and healed me of the disappointments and hurt of loosing hope and faith. I found strength in His eternal word and He is waiting to hear from you.